Did you know it’s normal and acceptable if you don’t want to be one of the people I ask for help? This is the time, to be honest. As a friend, maybe you want to be the person who enjoys time with me instead of always helping me get better. Or perhaps you want to play a more active role in my treatment, or maybe not. But you may not have the time or energy to consider what you are experiencing. Please let me know. You have a life and the right to be true to yourself. I will understand. I know you will always be willing to help, and that’s why I hope creating this blog is an excellent way to open the topic so I can talk about it when I need to, and you can read it whenever it’s a good time then, later we can talk. I want you to know that what truly matters is that you don’t feel forced to do something that makes you sad or frustrated. Now that I am becoming more apparent of what I need from my friends, I can get more specific and teach you precisely what you can do when I am sick—knowing the symptoms of the illness so that you aren’t frustrated and angry when I’m overthinking, unmotivated, unresponsive, crying, needy, and especially when I’m oversharing and can’t stop texting. It is a complex and frustrating illness, and whenever I reach out blindly to whoever is in my life, expecting them to understand what I need and why I need so much, so often. This can be confusing and upsetting for my friends. Now I have a sort of chain of command I go through before I turn to the same person too many times. I went to God first and was taught to try to help myself by looking at my lifestyle and deciding on any changes I could make to feel better. I can always try to get help from my friends when I need it instead of just turning to people without thinking of how it will affect them—thank you for giving me self-awareness. I still need to work harder to get balanced and stable with my medications. I’m still trying to get used to living and doing things at an average level instead of having extreme highs and lows. Nothing made any sense. I go bonkers searching for help and can’t stop sending mass texts. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I appreciate, love, and thank you for being by my side and always lending your phone to text you thousands of extremely long messages when I’m manic because I feel safe with you. The episode will pass. I’ll be myself again.
Note from My Heart
